I ain’t dead yet / the CFB Year in Review

No – I am not dead. Things have just been really busy as of late. Hopefully The Dawg Bone hasn’t forgotten me and I can return later this evening to do a “recruiting wrap up”, but until then, enjoy this great video from mocksession – the 2010 College Football Year in Review. Go Dawgs!

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ESPN’s Pony Excess 30/30

The night of December 11th I will be watching Pony Exce$$ – ESPN’s 30 for 30 finale about the SMU “Death Penalty” case, and you should be too. It will be a grand affair, I assure you.

The U and the Marcus Dupree story were all well and good, but this nearly two hour documentary (that ironically airs right after Cam Newton wins the Heisman Trophy) will surely be a spectacle of cheating mastery to behold.

Middlemen? Runners? Hell no – SMU went straight cash from booster directly to player. Get caught? No problem. You are a honorable, JR Ewing Oil Tycoon-type and you somehow feel “obligated” to hold up your end of the bargain to pay these great players, so you continue to pay them and get caught AGAIN. But wait – you still might just get away with it because the governor-elect is on your board or something. Or not…

The more I read about CFB in the early 80′s, the more the deal at SMU appears to just be the worst example of what was (or what was rumored to have been) taking place around the NCAA at many of the top programs of that era.

You had all the scandal at SMU, there was Charley Pell working his magic at both Florida and Clemson, the Marcus Dupree affair at OU, and Herschel Walker driving around in a black Trans Am right before he signed on the line with Georgia on Easter Sunday (well past national “letter day”).

Speaking of the Pontiac Trans Am, I would guess that we will see several of these vehicles featured prominently in Pony Exce$$. Their reputation as an early 80′s recruiting tool is unmatched. As a child of the 1980′s, I can attest that if you give someone a car with a 454 cubic inch engine and a fire-breathing bird painted on the hood they will do whatever you say. Those things are legend.

Pontiac Firebird Trans AM

"First he's gonna shit! The he's gonna KILL US!"

I would also guess that this documentary will do a lot of finger pointing at other teams of the time that were spared the degree of NCAA wrath that which was brought down upon SMU. I’m sure it’s going to be a lot of “But they were doing it too – we just got caught” sort of talk. I look for Barry Switzer and OU to be the likely targets.

Remember to behold the lurid tales of cheating in some sort of context – this is the old Southwest Conference we are talking about – the conference that at one time had 6 out of 9 teams on NCAA probation.

This one is going to be juicy. I’m hoping for it to play out like The Roxanne Pulitzer Divorce Trail. Pure 80′s debauchery. The only thing working against this flick is that it will surely feature the bastard Craig James. Good times. I miss the 1980′s…

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Nick Saban – Welcome To “THE HOT SEAT”

Nick Saban Rumpelstiltskin

Time for the Nick Saban “Hot Seat” talk to begin. After all, it’s obviously justified based on the following statistics:

Georgia 2008

  • Final Ranking Previous Season – #2
  • Preseason Ranking – #1
  • 2008 Regular Season Record – 9-3, with losses coming to a division rival (Florida), an up and comer from the West (Alabama), and a hated in-state rival (Georgia Tech).

Alabama 2010

  • Final Ranking Previous Season – #1
  • Preseason Ranking – #1
  • 2010 Regular Season Record – 9-3, with losses coming to a division rival (LSU), an up and comer from the East (South Carolina), and a hated in-state rival (Auburn).

The similarities are quite striking – the high preseason ranking, getting manhandled unexpectedly by a team from the other side of the conference, and blowing a huge lead against an arch-rival in the last regular season match up.

Why there hasn’t been a campaign by local and national writers to remove Saban from his job is very puzzling. I am just going to have to assume that Mark Richt is held to a higher standard than Darling Nikki.

UPDATE: You can add to the list of coincidences a victory over Michigan State in the Outback Bowl.

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Things Dirtier Than Nick Fairley

I am praying for an NFL lockout. Not because that would give us all another year to marvel at the talent of AJ Green, but because it would give our offensive line another opportunity to end the career of the biggest pile of shit in college football – Nick Fairley.

Before the game, I looked over to my wife and said:

“We have to watch out for #90 – the guy has a reputation for roughing up quarterbacks with pro wrestling moves.”

Sure enough, Fairley immediately started in with the late hits and bush league bullshit, culminating late in the game when he crashed his helmet into Aaron Murray’s knee.

After getting a good nights sleep, this morning I have calmed down somewhat and have come to the realization that, yes – there are things in this world even dirtier than Nick Fairley.

THINGS DIRTIER THAN NICK FAIRLEY:

5. Times Square subway station bathroom, circa 1982

Nick Fairley dirty piece of shit

4. Booger picked from the nose of a deceased homeless man

Nick Fairley is a fucking dirty thug

3. The floor of an animal hoarder’s mobile home

Nick Fairley is Cam Netwon's gay lover

2. Lindsay Lohan

Nick Fairley is a lump of shit

1. Cecil Newton and the Auburn football program

Cecil Newton is a dirty preacher who whores out his son for $

It takes a special kind of man to shop around his son to colleges with a pay-for-play scheme while hiding behind the pulpit preaching about “morality”.

Cecil Newton is that kind of man.

By supporting the actions of players like Fairley and burying their head in the sand in regards to the Newton situation, the Auburn program has now entered into a Faustian pact and it’s only a matter of time before Mephistopheles comes to collect.

Personally, I hope that the Barn goes all the way and wins the BCS championship game just so I can revel in their misery when the NCAA finally drops the hammer and forces them to forfeit all their games from 2010.

Auburn Family

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We know he eats it, but does he smoke it?

I’d wager if he’s into humbling himself before the Football Gods and becoming “one with the field”, then the answer is a definite yes.

Les Miles Eats Grass

Asked about eating the grass in the postgame press conference, Miles said he does it every game. "Yeah, you know what I do," Miles said, "I've got a little tradition that humbles me as a man that let's me know I'm part of the field. It's going to be all over the Internet. You know what? You should have seen some games before this. I know one thing, the grass in Tiger Stadium tastes best."

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The Gator Guide To Cocktail Party Class

Well, it looks like the mass media has begun its politically correct assault on my beloved Coach Todd Grantham.

Here is what the great Tony Barnhart has to say about the situation:

“It took a couple of days to sort out but the facts are no longer in dispute. Grantham, Georgia’s first-year defensive coordinator, did something in the Georgia-Florida game that is so far over the line that it can’t even be debated. He gave a student-athlete from another school, Florida kicker Chas Henry, the choke sign as Henry was preparing to kick the game winning field goal. Grantham was caught in a screen capture and the image went viral in no time at all.  Jeff Schultz showed you the video where Henry told Tracy Wolfson of CBS that coaches on the Georgia sidelines were telling him that he was going to choke.”

“It took a couple of days to sort out”

TRANSLATION: I was late to the PC party…

So, in order to prevent an incident like this from occurring again, with the help of MS Paint I have complied a handy list of what is/is not allowed to go on at the WLOCP according to the great guru’s Schultz and Barnhart. You can click on the images to make them BIGGA!

Here we go:

Urban Meyer Timeouts

Brandon Spikes Eye Gouge

Chris Rainey Fucking Felon

Todd Grantham Choke

I hope this visual representation of what constitutes class will be helpful in the future – both to our coaching staff and fan base.

Inspiration was provided by the Van Gogh of foul-mouthed MS Paint pics – the Texas fan over at Prevail and Ride

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TODD GRANTHAM FOR PRESIDENT!

Oh snap! Paul Finebaum thinks UGA should fire Todd Grantham for making a choking gesture at UF kicker Chas Henry last Saturday.

Let’s recap. People who do not like Todd Grantham so far:

  • Paul Finebaum
  • Jeff Schultz
  • Tony Barnhart
  • Jim Rome
  • Douche bags on ‘Around The Horn’
  • Florida Fans
  • Self-Loathing Dawg Fans on the AJC blogs

He must be doing something right.

Plus, you never know – Grantham’s gesture could have been a signal for Rainey to take it easy on his old lady after the game…

Todd Grantham Choke

Many a self righteous, Bible-thumping Dawg fan have taken to the AJC blogs to express their “outrage” over this, but the only comments that actually matter are ones like these:

“I love Coach Grantham,” quarterback Aaron Murray said. “He has some fire to him. I think the guys love it. I love it. … That’s his mentality, and I think it’s awesome.”

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