VIDEO: Lane Kiffin’s Chaotic Final Hours in Knoxville

Determined to go out making even more noise than when he arrived, Lane Kiffin’s last night in Knoxville began when he told his players he would be headed out West. This NY Times Article claims they weren’t too happy.

“Coach Kiffin recruited me, Ed Orgeron came in my living room and recruited me, and now they’re gone,” said Robert Nelson, a redshirt freshman from Stone Mountain, Ga. “I don’t know what I’m doing yet, whether I stay. I need to see what the older guys are going to do. There are a lot of guys who are not sure if they are staying after this mishap.

“Guys were really angry at him last night, really angry.”

After breaking the news to his players, Kiffin made his way to some sort of UT media room, where he forced the press to obey his first wish as a man free from the stifling confines of Knoxville.

Do not question “Left Coast” Lane. He is Hollywood now.

Before he arrived at the presser, a UT rep made reporters aware of Mr. Kiffin’s odd TV/print demands, after which this spirited exchange took place -

Click to watch the pre-presser reporter mêlée.

Notice how the angry asshole in the sweater vest handles his stack of papers like it is a butterfly knife ready to bury deep into journalist flesh.

The pre-presser seems on par with watching the 6 tape, VHS box set of ‘Lonesome Dove’ compared to Lane’s one and a half-minute press conference.

The reason he was so anxious to get out of there seems to have had something to do with the angry mob that was gathering outside.

Kiffin needed a police escort out of town, and angry UT students proceeded to “riot”, torching Kiffin T-Shirts and a mattress.

Even in the midst of the bedlam, Ed Orgeron managed to put in some work for USC while he was still present on Rocky Top. The Trojans are getting their money’s worth with Ed – no one in the business can apply their trade quite like “The Ogre”, as shown in this last video.

Yes indeed, exciting night in Knoxville.

Watching UT students whipped into a berserker rage and Rocky Top descending into anarchy gave me a great deal of pleasure – until Derek Dooley decided to play mister buzzkill.

It’s sacrilege I tell you…

You’ll Go Blind Wolverines!

As if Michigan’s season wasn’t bad enough, it now appears there will be no “happy ending” in the off season either.

If you have ever visited the Michigan campus, then you are certainly aware that their selection of corn-fed coeds makes an open palm start to look pretty damn sexy.

Remember – semen related costs run into the thousands every year.

Wolverines should all do their part by engaging in all unclean acts within the confines of their dorm rooms.

A man like Bo Schembechler would never stand for HIS team masturbating.

Besides, who could feel comfortable pulling it after your coach brings you hot chocolate and cookies before tucking you in for beddie-bye time?

Why The Vols Deserve Absolutely No Sympathy

After arriving at UT, Lane Kiffin immediately began a pattern of unscrupulous behavior, starting with a verbal salvo fired across the bow of Meyer and the Gators.

Besides a bad case of diarrhea of the mouth, Kiffin also worked his craft of recruiting sleaziness the way other artists do clay sculpture or oil paint on canvas.

The degree of Kiffin’s douchebaggery was as plain as the nose on every Vol fans face. It was impossible to ignore – there was almost one controversial comment or incident per week since he came tripping over his tongue into Knoxville.

One would think that Kiffin’s actions would be abhorred by fans of the tradition-rich program of Tennessee, a team whose stadium is named for a war hero. Instead, not only were Kiffin’s antics permitted, they were encouraged and embraced.

Volunteer fans delighted in every instance that Kiffin opened his mouth and spewed his venomous rhetoric, claiming all the while he was “energizing the program”, and that those who complained were only doing so because deep down they “feared” the inevitable return to glory of UT football.

Al Davis’ warning that Kiffin was scumbag went ignored, just like Kiffy’s repeated transgressions as the Vol’s head coach. As long as Kiffin was dressed in Orange, the Vols could have cared less how he acted.

Now that their chickens have come home to roost, Vol fans have taken to the web to air their grievances about their former savior, bitching and moaning on message boards and YouTube and expecting some sort of condolences from the rest of the SEC.

Should we feel sorry for them? Hell no.

Many moons ago, a wise old drunkard told me the following tale one evening over some heartache and cheap bourbon. The subject matter was not related to football, but still, I find this yarn to be the perfect analogy for how the rest of the college football world should feel about the Vols current predicament:

A man is walking  into a bar on a cold winter evening. Outside the bar he sees a rattlesnake.

The rattlesnake says to the man:

“Hey pal, it’s cold. How about picking me up and stuffing me into your coat?”

The man replies:

“Hell no. You are a rattlesnake. You will bite me.”

“Please!” says the snake “I promise I won’t bite you.”

“Sorry pal.” says the man, as he strolls into the bar.

After having a few drinks, the man decides to leave the bar. On his way out, he sees the snake again, coiled up and shivering in the parking lot.

“Hey buddy! Pick me up and put me in your coat! It’s so cold out here! I’m freezing!” says the snake.

This time, slightly buzzed, the man begins to feel sympathy for the snake. He reaches down, picks it up and stuffs it into his jacket, at which time the snake promptly bites him.

“You bit me!” The man exclaimed.

To which the rattlesnake replied:

“You knew what I was when you picked me up…”

Even though I know I shouldn’t feel pity for our enemies to the north, my humanity got the better of me last night when I made the following video:

The song is from The Chris Vernon Show, FOX Sports Radio, AM 730, Memphis Tennessee. Great stuff as usual from Chris.

CLICK HERE to download the ‘Runaway Lane’ MP3

Vol Fans Not Taking Kiffin’s Departure Well

Right now I am hearing reports of students “rioting” on the UT Campus in response to Kiffin’s move to USC, but from the looks of this video recently posted on YouTube it appears to be little more than teenagers running through the streets while smiling and laughing.

Kiffin is now on his way to Southern Cal, where they know how to riot RIGHT dammit! They don’t just run through the streets like the last day of 6th grade – they break and burn stuff.

Now Vols, for your pleasure, I present  BigVOLdaddy -

This Vol fan knows how to properly express his displeasure with Kiffin through copious amounts rage and venom (AKA: urine and lighter fluid)!

There would be no shop window left unbroken or police cruiser left unturned if this man was roaming the streets of Knoxville.

“It’s time.”

YouTube Animated “Lane Kiffin Show” No More – Kiffin To USC

"Say it ain't so Lane..."

This is truly a sad day in the world of college football related internet hilarity. The Animated YouTube series “Lane Kiffin Show” is no more.

The creator of the YouTube show, featuring the foul mouthed, shirtless Lego figure, will be wrapping up the series tomorrow after hearing the news of Kiffin’s departure to USC.

“I guess it has finally run it’s course” stated Marlon Jablonski, creator of the show, “They threw me off YouTube anyway, and I only finished moving all the videos to Dailymotion today. It’s actually been a lot of work, but part of me hates to see him go because he was just so damn stupid.”

When asked if he would miss Kiffin at Tennessee, Jablonski replied “Probably. It’s been a pretty fun year. Ask me again next year when he’s back in the NFL.”

To view the complete saga of Lane Kiffin and his time at UT, click the link below.

Lane Kiffin Show “Official” Homepage – 20 Episodes

So long Lane – you were a comedy goldmine for that one shining year you spent here in the Southeastern Conference. You will be missed.

Don’t say you weren’t warned Vols – Behold the prophet Al Davis!

UPDATE: Kiffin held a ninety second press conference and then bolted. Click the link and observe how he never even took a seat, then hauled ass before he could be asked any questions.

UPDATE: It just keeps getting better. Here is a report of Orgeron trying to snatch up some UT recruits for USC at the last minute before he jets out to Cali.

“Sneaky” Pete Carroll May Flee USC For The NFL

ESPN says that the “Teflon Coach” will be taking his act to the Mecca of grunge music and cheap heroin – Seattle.

The fate of photos of NCAA execs in “compromising positions” that Carroll no doubt possesses are still in question. Perhaps they will surface one day after an exhaustive house subcommittee hearing.

I’m sure the USC Super Fans are beside themselves.

I, for one, will miss you if you decide to make the jump to the pros Mr. Carroll.

For some reason you always reminded me of Nick Saban in elevator shoes and on high on Prozac.

You won't have Pete Carroll to Kick around anymore.

Georgia Tech Television Ad Confirms Stereotypes

This public service announcement is brought to you by Georgia Tech’s Department of Stereotype Continuation.

4 Tickets. 4 Hot Dogs. 4 Cokes. A tradition of football excellence.

BCS Trophy on display in Alabama Walmart

Behold the majestic BCS Crystal Football!

Look! There it is! Right next to the tower of Dr. Pepper stacked to form an “A”!

Keep that trophy away from Walmart’s Chinese manufacturing base or risk bootleg copies surfacing on every NY street corner, alongside knock-off Air Jordans and Louie Vitton handbags.

Rennie Curran To Enter NFL Draft

Thanks for 3 great years of head bustin'!

LINK To The Athens Banner Herald Article

Hate to see you go man. You will be missed.

Here’s some video of Rennie right out of high school, before he arrived on the Athens campus.

Observe the freakishness.

The following is a segment from ESPN that aired before the disastrous Alabama game in 2008…

I don’t watch much NFL, but I would wager that whoever gets him will get their money’s worth. Loved watching this kid play.

Best of luck to ya’ Rennie – you were a Damn Good Dawg.

Don’t Eat That Trout Nick Saban! It’s Been Swimming in a Cesspool!

Here we see Alabama Coach Nick Saban trout fishing on scenic Lake Burton.

Nestled in the the breathtaking mountains of Northeast Georgia, Lake Burton provides the finest raw sewage fishing that 4 million per year can afford.

Nick spends his time here in the off season, roughing it in a home so large that he has been forced to bus in a legion of orange-skinned, indigenous people, roughly the same height as himself, to care for the sprawling property.

The workers are rarely seen. No one goes in. No one comes out.

Coach Saban relaxing at his second home on Lake Burton, Georgia.